Op Log Damien Hirst Pun

Hey people. I am back. Dont scroll down yet! Am sorry if you have already puked before reading my words. YES. The pictures are SICK ya? Thats the point. As you should have figured out by now, I went for my wisdom teeth operation.

My upper 2 were extracted, my bottom 2 requires incision -- meaning the doc has to cut my gums, drill and split my stuck teeth, remove them and sew my flesh up again. Thank goodness i was under gas..i was told that they mummified my head during the op...


Below is a little VISUAL documentation of my extracted teeth and its little preservation process.

Take it like the raw version of body world or Damien Hirst's art. Google him. You will know what I mean . It is art of the body in its rawwwwest form pippel.

HEHE...dont hate me, there's a reason why my blog title is so grim... and so does the raw, honest, sick contents that may come with it. Think about it ok, its scary but i did nothing to enhance the gore. I blog what is real in our lives. Emotions, thoughts ...and BODY parts. Ha!



The nicer pics are soft/liquid food that im surviving on for this week or so.
Paris Hilton pic is a bonus.
Not for the rich-cheap-natural-slut but i do have IMMMEEEEENSE craving for the burger she is advertising for. I miss hot, savoury solid fooddd.....

For EXTRA BONUS & ANTIDOTE TO THE GORE. CLICK HERE HAHAHA!

First, a family photo of my removed wisdom.....teeth....hehehehhehe

Upper left teeth shows how it was drilled diagonally. Close up of my 2 upper ones...

This is my favourite pic. Close up of my bottom 2 wisdom teeth. Damn gross right? I had a hard time scrapping off the flesh ok...

Preserving my teeth. The sizzling thing is a bleaching tablet that i found in my house. Can you see that the flesh has turned white?

Ok. enough. Now about the food that i can eat for this week.
Fantastic fish porridge that only my mama can make..my main source of carbo/protein and this is what keeps my taste buds alive HEHHEE

The first thing that i did after my op was to buy 1.3litre of Bravissimo Italian Gelato. 4 flavours here. Tiramisu, Hazelnut, Cookies & Cream & Durian!! hahahahaha

Fluids thats keeping me alive...Actually I would really prefer creamy Magnolia milk but my dad keeps buying the wrong ones...hehe...

And this is Paris with the burger i want to eat now...looks damn good hor..?

Will on the Go

Firstly, let me CUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurse those few assholes who raped and brutally murdered my buddy's friend. I don't know what bloody motive you have, but it is downright inhumane, despicable and humilitating to take revenge on an innocent 24 year old girl who has got NOTHING to do with your fucking business, who ended up sacrificing her body and soul for loving her man...Whoever you fuckers are...maybe you can get a couple of Christians to pray harder for you.

Kingdom of conscience has no footing for you idiots, and however "heaven or hell" may be some existential fallacies at the end of the day...for once i hope there is hell because you assholes are dropping straight in...and for the love of the universal, encompassing profanity..yes FUCK YOU ALL.


whew...ok its 3 hours before im put under gas on the op table. If for some silly reason i dont wake up from my sedation, for my pool of readers to know...here is a wish list of what i would have wanted to do before I die :


1. A nude portrait of myself

Why? It is the apotheosis of my critique on pornogrpahy and art. What can be more subversive than an "elitist" portrayal of the present misogynistic objectification of the female body, especially if it is your own...ha! :P

2. Build a house for my mum and dad

preferably surrounded by padi fields if there's any left

3. Skydive

I am damn scared of bungees but i dont mind trying skydiving. Its kinda similar to the fact that I am scared of cockroaches but not rats

4. Take a stroll in Prague or any ancient landscape with the one

5. Be a multilingual farmer who can write passionate poems

6. Learn Taichi


Ok. Now for the wishlist if i wake up...

1. Read like mad before I have to part from my books

2. Play piano

3. Get used to the imperial system

4. Train my spastic fingers

5. Watch Madagascar, Unleashed, Mr and Mrs Smith, Monster in-laws before i leave

6. Catch sunset at MacRitchie a couple more times



Oh and I bought il Divo's album. Call them operaticized pop boyband. Just like the Maksimized classical player. They do mainstream shit but its mainstream in a different way. Overtly romanticized. Overtly nostalgic. And their music video is so cheesy that i love it. Love the relentlessness of their romanticized image. Its good to hear familiar things in a different way at times. At least they can sing well. And they are suave not cute.


Check them out at Il Divo


Oh ya, quite a few numbers are in Latin.
What the heck? Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
Go figure what that means hehe...
One of the relentless romanticizing tactics, apart from their black suits and roses.
Just let me dwell in that over the next few days when i would look like a swollen pighead who can't eat properly yeah?

the pop opera tenors


For my mum once again. MAMA

Mama thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times
I forgot
Mama remember all my life
You showed me love,you sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed
Along the way (along the way)

And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you , I miss you
Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong
Dry your eyes (dry your eyes)

Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed
Along the way
And I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you ,mama

Change Soup Without Changing the Medicine

Ok this is such a crude translation of the Chinese saying..pardon me for that.


I am saying this in reaction to this article that I have read in New York Times published on May 17 2005: The Evolution of Creationism


Its the same old quest between religion and the Darwin's theory of evolution.

The schools have difficulty coming to terms with what and HOW to include whatever they deem right in their science syllabus.

And they suggested branding it Intelligent Design.

Now you get the idea of my blog title? Why brand something that noone can be sure of. Why put definitions to ideas that will remain controversial. Yes. Theories, equations get proven right and wrong over time in our hunger for understanding our intertwined existence with everything else. But is it not silly to brand a theory with a creation myth and try to make them appear to make room for each other or reconcile?

Let religion be religion. Let blind faith be blind faith. Let creation myth be creation myth. And let the explanable be unveiled as time and knowledge allow. Let known on both disciplines with equal weightage. Whichever one wants to believe in, the educated should have the free will to choose.


So do not try to sound innocuous or diplomatic.
Why?
Because it will neither make people less confused nor more convinced.



Hmm something lighter about my day. I helped mum with making salad. For the first time in my life, she watched television in my room. I wondered why. I think she is quietly dreading my departure in a month's time. But as usual, we dont show how we feel. We will never say "I miss you". I dont know why. And i dread to see her sending me off. She would be worried sick, And it pains me to see her trying to be strong and supportive. I hope i will come back as a better person. And I will try to be less insensitive...non-chalant...whatever...'cause I am not ok...*sigh*


And right now I am trying sooooooooooooo bloody hard to learn autocad. And i keep forgetting the commands and not knowing how to do everything....*sigh*

A funny quote to match my mood now..hehehe

"I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time – I think I’ve forgotten this before"

evolution as you will

Back on Track

Ok..after much meditation and self-grilling..I am mentally back on track.

Fuck those who screwed me up. Intentional or not. Its alright now.

Went to this really cool club tonight. Had a great time with my awesome friends and the live band is just fabulous. Check them out at One Night Stand Clarke Quay. The band is called Six In The City. I love the versatality of the players. I can see the vocalist playing bass and the guitarists switching between bass and guitar too. They do AWESOME covers of Black Eyed Pea songs....and they can really get the crowd going.

Fantastic! I am definitely going there again soon...

Old blogs

http://livingfuneral.blogs.friendster.com/my_living_funeral/

The Worst Fools Are Those Who Think They Have Fooled Others Not Knowing They Have Made A Fool Of Themselves

My blog title: Courtesy of my dad. Thats the ultimate form of denial and self-deceit. Damn sad right? haha..

Been meditating alot.

There are still quite alot of things that I would want to demand explanations. But choosing the right time to bring up such issues would be crucial, though i think some people dont deserve my consideration and respect at all. I feel like i should just stop giving a shit, fuck up and flare up about certain things, but i don't believe that would solve the problem.

So im holding back. Why? Because I still care.

Obviously being too kind doesn't pay off. But i wont let certain things get away irresponsibly as they were intended to be. No matter how "gracefully" it was done, you can't just step all over me as if i'm blind. I dont deserve the way I am treated.

I can smell stoic grimace.

Especially unprobed, delicate facts that are gracefully not mentioned or excused ;

And disrespectful non-chalance shown by exposed trails since quite a while back.

I trusted the wrong person.

How sad of one to mis-manage his own indecisiveness while leading on another's heart who cares so much. What justice would he make to the one he claims to love (i dare not claim this, i mean the other one involved) when he is sleeping with someone else behind her back.

I pity the other one involved. Haha.

Certain things are just ridiculous. But i would deal with it in a rational manner. Meanwhile, I shall learn to swallow ...no i would need to control my anger and depression and move on.

I would need to convince myself to take life in big strides.

Wake up and grow up silly girl.

Actually, come to think about it. Why should i even bother to seek such answers. Would you appreciate me as a friend more? No. Telling you what i know would only make u smarter and make you a better liar next time.

My best friend is right. It is like complaining to a restaurant with poor service. Why the fuck you bother? Just let them fuck up one day and close down. It is only then they will learn the lesson.

Tell me about karma and retribution.

Like a friend who quoted Freud-- " The Loss of Shame is the Beginning of Idiocity."

And another friend who quoted Wilde --

"Those who are faithful know nothing of love,
it is the faithless who know the real tragedies of love.."

Move on, there are better things in life to look forward to...

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Can everyone just fuck off from my rotting life and leave me alone...
And yeah...you are right babe, its fucking mental masturbation?
Yeah fucking mental masturbation.
An invisible sado-machosist form of art.
Oh fuck WRONG spelling.
Sado-masochist.

It requires sick imagination.
And " the imagination needs art in order to process pain, dispossession and desolation, as well as the other passionate extremities of human thought: love, yearning, desire and, of course, beauty."

What art? The sick art of living.
Why is living a form of sick art?
We born just to die. Think stillbirth.
How sick is that?
If the baby is fated not to see the world
What's the point of its becoming in the first place?

Talk about us.
We perform this act of living. Right now. You and I.
We slip through non-existence to existence to non-existence
For fuck?
See? Its sick.

And look at what I am doing now?
I am talking to myself. I dont even know if anyone reads this.
Thats what i mean by mental masturbation. Classic.


Eh what the fuck am i ranting about?

Who gives a shit anyway? What am i supposed to do ? fuck off

wtf whatever..

my silly friendster horoscope for the day...

The Bottom Line
It's sharing time, whether it's the love, the load or just a sandwich.

In Detail
After days of putting absolutely all of your energy into guidance and caretaking, you're thinking that it's your turn for some TLC. A volunteer for that mission -- someone you're quite fond of -- has wisely suggested that a change of scenery might get the show on the road in earnest. Well now. Since you've been thinking about travel, anyway, why not let them do their job to the best of their abilities? Book the tickets. You'll feel better immediately.


Whoever who do what fuck, guess what. my permit got approved.
I am relieved more than glee. Numbed more than unfeeling.
Maybe i do need to indulge in solitude for some time.
How long? I don't know.
This indulgence in solitary will either mend or break me.
I don't feel happy here anymore. Nothing to lose i guess.
Even the lovely episode that time had on its menu for me has been debarred.
By what? By fucked up timing. By fucked up circumstances.
By the very thing that might save me from my current state of mind. Ironic.

Everything happens for a reason. I just hope it is for the better.
For now, I am just letting time drag me by my sleeves.
I have lost my drive for everything it seems. Clouded.
I can't even fucking finish my run by the reservoir just now.
I was not even trying to pace myself against the numerous wet torsos that whisked past my tasteless flesh (yes i am repeating myself again)

But the breath of the trees cleanse me once again.
My heart smiled for a little while..
As i lay facing the baby azure sky,
I held my tired breath and watched the cottony clouds morphing into one another
Caressing its own dissolution
I can almost hear the silence of the quiet change
Not one second has the sky been the same;
Its hypnotic serenity,
How can i miss that?
Heal my mind..please.

Mudda

Thank you for the unspoken understanding
Perhaps the stoic-ness runs in our blood
We make seen our happiness
But we feel each others' gated despair
Am sorry for telling you I'd wish you did not bring me to this world 8 years ago
But living within my burden can be such a chore
Amplified by the day you bled in my arms
Tormented by the fear of losing you
The imagery of the blood on the wall
The trail, the raw and sour scent of the blood lingered
It still haunts me till this moment
I fear for every scan report that you receive
Verdict of life and death
The despicable time-bomb within you
God damn I wish it was me within which is planted
You told me you are not afraid of dying
That you are only afraid of the pain
I kept quiet
But you knew i would understand
And as i quietly tear while I weep these words
I wish fate would let me walk through your zesty life
Side by side
Heart to heart
I love you mum

Happy Mother's Day. Hope you like the jade pendant...

:(

The air around me feels heavy again
I am drowning
My heart imploded ;
In unfathomable abyss within my tasteless flesh.
I can't tear anymore
I can't find my smile either

angry little asian girl

Lela lee, i take my hat off for you.

you won't get to read my blog ever perhaps, but you querkily and so aptly portrayed the person that i really am in this comic strip. Snap on babe..