20050616

a.l.a.g.

'When divided we stand baby, united we fall'

When love and hate collide. Indeed.

Why bother. Life is too short to be happy and too long to grieve.

Argh...and you two, make me hate myself for hating you at times. Drives me crazy.
I need a fucking break from this mental abuse.

20050614

Insensibility

Good old Wilfred. Studied a couple of his poems in lower secondary.
You know, it really takes conscious effort to remind oneself how lucky one is. I try.

Ahem..let me quote Brad Pitt in Mr. and Mrs. Smith (yes, the show is haunting me now) ,"... guess at the end you think about the beginning..."

In case you dont know, this is a war poem. When the probability of one dying is higher than your adrenalin level by gazillion times...you may have the clearest idea of what happiness is in its simplest sense. Heehee. Enjoy pee ple.



Happy are men who yet before they are killed
Can let their veins run cold.
Whom no compassion fleers
Or makes their feet
Sore on the alleys cobbled with their brothers.
The front line withers,
But they are troops who fade, not flowers,
For poets' tearful fooling:
Men, gaps for filling:
Losses, who might have fought
Longer; but no one bothers.

And some cease feeling
Even themselves or for themselves.
Dullness best solves
The tease and doubt of shelling,
And Chance's strange arithmetic
Comes simpler than the reckoning of their shilling.
They keep no check on armies' decimation.

Happy are these who lose imagination:
They have enough to carry with ammunition.
Their spirit drags no pack.
Their old wounds, save with cold, can not more ache.
Having seen all things red,
Their eyes are rid
Of the hurt of the colour of blood for ever.
And terror's first constriction over,
Their hearts remain small-drawn.
Their senses in some scorching cautery of battle
Now long since ironed,
Can laugh among the dying, unconcerned.

Happy the soldier home, with not a notion
How somewhere, every dawn, some men attack,
And many sighs are drained.
Happy the lad whose mind was never trained:
His days are worth forgetting more than not.
He sings along the march
Which we march taciturn, because of dusk,
The long, forlorn, relentless trend
From larger day to huger night.

We wise, who with a thought besmirch
Blood over all our soul,
How should we see our task
But through his blunt and lashless eyes?
Alive, he is not vital overmuch;
Drying, not mortal overmuch;
Nor sad, nor proud,
Nor curious at all.
He cannot tell
Old men's placidity from his.

But cursed are dullards whom no cannon stuns,
That they should be as stones.
Wretched are they, and mean
With paucity that never was simplicity.
By choice they made themselves immune
To pity and whatever moans in man
Before the last sea and the hapless stars;
Whatever mourns when many leave these shores;
Whatever shares
The eternal reciprocity of tears.
<- I like this last 4 lines most

Insensibility , Owen Wilfred



Heres part of the manuscript by Owen Wilfred

20050612

Tic Toc

I'd rather paint and clean my friends' place than my own. Am glad that I have done something for the girls' little bachelorette pad.

I would watch movie with people i love without letting them know it is my second and third time in three days. Yes i watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith yesterday, today and in another eight hours' time. With a new friend, an old friend and the woman i love most. Excellent company makes time well spent. That would suffice. Just keep Brad Pitt and Ange. Jolie out of my field of vision for at least a year...


Would like to end the day with a couple of sweet quotes...

" Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. " - C. S. Lewis

"We are friends and I do like to pass the day with you in serious and inconsequential chatter. I wouldn't mind washing up beside you, dusting beside you, reading the back half of the paper while you read the front. We are friends and I would miss you, do miss you and think of you very often. " -Jeanette Winterson

20050608

Pillow willoP

I think i need one of these.

Maybe all archi people needs one.
And the look? I think all archi people naturally has that kind of look when we are deprived of sleep for N to the power of N hours.

The pale, zombified, cheebyfied(u bet), vampirish look. Stylo ok. The eyes, natural goth look. You save alot of $ on eyeshadows.

In the art/fashion world, some call it the pale van Eyck face. Is it from Jan Van Eyck?

Blessings from the Dutch duos - Rolf Snoeren and Viktor Horsting.

Theatrically surreal indeed.

Enough of hair pinned to pillows.
I see her everyday. I love her big messy hair. She is my wallpaper. Someone said he would never put her as his wallpaper because its such a high-school thing. Who cares. She's hot. I like.

20050606

No milk

There is no milk in the fridge. So i do stupid quizzz....

You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek or more passionate embrace. super markets and work places are your favorite places to attack your loved one with all your love =p
What kind of kisser are you?

Supermarkets and workplaces...ya right..


The Goddess of Night and Regret. You are a perfect
confidante. Always understanding and
solicitous, you could be a queen and you are
exceptionally honest. You are an intelligent
beauty.
Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla


This picture reminds me of a photograph that I took back in 1999 on a rooftop using a telescopic camera. Here it is.


20050605

Going where the wind blows

Not anxious. Not excited. Think being emotionally drained is more powerful than the anesthesia that was flushed down my veins. It masks all fears and a little dosage of healthy sense of urgency in me.

But the curiosity to see how I deal with solitude is pushing through my skin. I don't like feeling at home when I am traveling. But to be cosmopolitan is another issue. I like the expected unexpectedness, the speculative discomfort. Having said discomfort, I think I will hate it as much as I will be dealing with it.

My family doesn't celebrate Christmas. But this year's Christmas would be different. Not necessarily better or worse. For some funny reason I think I will miss spending it with my family.

Times like these make me wonder why age makes a person less adaptable to new environment. Maybe age is not the right word. It's the awareness of the environment we have taken into us as we grow. Age simply suggests the time factor built into such an awareness. Being a lot more ignorant as a kid 14 years ago, my family moved to this country. Even being handicapped in mandarin and English, I felt at ease in befriending new peers. But I have grown to appreciate the difficulty that my parents have gone through to adjust to a new environment. They have chosen to leave their friends and families, their work and homeland. I can recall the frequent arguments, my dad's frown and my mum's tears. It must have been so difficult for them.

I won't wish to be 9 again. But I do miss the innocent or probably ignorant bliss that I seem to be entitled to back then.

Speaking of adaptability, I learnt something about the Chukchi in inland Siberia today. They live in extreme human conditions. They are like the Eskimos. They spend their lives in temperatures as low as -25 to -50 degrees. Well extreme to us but not to them, perhaps. Relativity duh! Chukchi is a name given to them by the Russians (for their geographical proximity to them I think), originating from the Chukchi word Chauchu meaning "rich in reindeer". And it is reindeer for every good reason. Their diet consists almost entirely of reindeer, higher in protein than most meat but just as tender. They warm themselves with their skin. They build their homes with their skin. They are nomads for they follow their herds of reindeers where they graze beneath the snow. And the reindeers transport their houses for them too. Even the Chukchi"s physique is adapted to the weather. They tend to be shorter, with stubby fingers and proportionally shorter limbs so as to reduce the surface area of their bodies subject to heat loss. How cool is that? They don"t even need gloves in such chilly winds. I remember taking off my gloves in a Korean winter of -15 degrees. My hands went numb within a couple of minutes and were really painful. Frost does bite.

I am truly amazed.


20050603

Little Things

My eyes are like hollowed doughnuts without sugar and my lower lip is numbed by the already compressed nerve ( thats what the dog...opps doc said ) and minty mouthwash. I dont know whats keeping me awake; dead tired actually.


Been wanting to blog for quite a few days, about a kind of people whose mad passion for adrenalin and truth captures scenes for millions to feast on. So I hope to pick the right people and images. Keep a look out if you are madly curious or curiously mad...whatever.


Now that i cant think properly, i just feel like dropping a few brainless images which i took brainlessly-intuitively..quite an oxymoronic pair actually...hmm. Somehow i have a growing sensitivity towards the little favourite things that i have in my room. Probably because i know i will be away from them for a while. Some things have been with me since i was a little girl..little things that have faithfully and quietly been part of my life.


Two phones that I have in my room. Bread superman and my green-fetish dail phone.

My favourite alarm clock which shits me out of bed. His pee pee is a flashing red light when its alarming me.

Perfume and alcohol bottles that I never threw away

This is one of the coolest thing I own. Jack Daniels dispenser which is now a water dispenser. ok i hang my hairbands on it too.

One of the coolest ornaments I own. An ostrich egg with beautiful prints of the world map. Picked it up from South Africa.

The AO drafting table & the chair. The chair is damn cool. You have to kneel on it in such a way that it keeps your back straight while sitting on it. Ergonomy.

My bedside chair. Its a ratten swivel. On the chair is a book that I am reading. On the book is a message in a bottle that i just want to beautify this photo. And it is a bottle that has been with me for 7 years.

A hulky butterfly which crashed in my toilet for a couple of days. It should be dead by now. I think it should be happy that someone actually remembers it. I would if im it. Hmm.


In case you are wondering why the pictures are so yellow, thats because there is a very yellow lamp in my room.
Alright. I am awake now. I should go to bed. Good morning. *yawns*