I just realized I missed a comment dated March 10 for an earlier post. For some unknown urge i started reading some of my old posts....something which I never do because they remind me too much of painful times...and the postings reflect nothing but self-pity, self-indulgence which I am unashamed of, but of extreme apprehension. At times, I feel like I am possessed.
"you should just kick some ass. period. whoever dared to venture to hurt ma pretty lady here oughta have their asses kicked. BE IT 1998 VERSION, OR THE 9 MONTHS AGO VERSION OR THE MOST RECENT VERSION. karma shall get YOU in no time. babe the easiest give up on are JERKS. they don't deserve your love much less your thoughts, energy, tears, numbness, whatever, they don't deserve ANYTHING. they don't even deserve my words i tell you! but i am writing it to you.move on, find someone new which i know you know now who are the people good for you and be happy!=Pat the end of the day, who are those pieces of shit that you crossed paths with? they are at best LESSONS. please don't give them too much of a credit of making THAT huge a difference in your life. cheerios and onward my gal! "
Friday, March 10, 2006 3:00:36 AM
I dont know who wrote this and I dont need to know..but thanks...i hate myself for absolutely avoiding people who tries to love me for I have lost so much drive in life from people who hurt me so much, unintentionally, yet most selfishly. I hate myself for not being strong enough to do what is good for myself. And yet, some anynomous soul would care more than those whom I wish would have done so ...why and for what?
"you should just kick some ass. period. whoever dared to venture to hurt ma pretty lady here oughta have their asses kicked. BE IT 1998 VERSION, OR THE 9 MONTHS AGO VERSION OR THE MOST RECENT VERSION. karma shall get YOU in no time. babe the easiest give up on are JERKS. they don't deserve your love much less your thoughts, energy, tears, numbness, whatever, they don't deserve ANYTHING. they don't even deserve my words i tell you! but i am writing it to you.move on, find someone new which i know you know now who are the people good for you and be happy!=Pat the end of the day, who are those pieces of shit that you crossed paths with? they are at best LESSONS. please don't give them too much of a credit of making THAT huge a difference in your life. cheerios and onward my gal! "
Friday, March 10, 2006 3:00:36 AM
I dont know who wrote this and I dont need to know..but thanks...i hate myself for absolutely avoiding people who tries to love me for I have lost so much drive in life from people who hurt me so much, unintentionally, yet most selfishly. I hate myself for not being strong enough to do what is good for myself. And yet, some anynomous soul would care more than those whom I wish would have done so ...why and for what?
posted by livingfuneral at 5/02/2006 11:10:00 PM
9 Comments:
hey girl, don't give these people such control over you. you deserve better. and yes, there are people everywhere who care about you.
~old friend~
:D
Thought you might find this interesting:
Suspicion of architecture may in the end be said to centre around the modesty of the claims that can realistically be made on its behalf. Reverence for beautiful buildings does not seem a high ambition on which to pin our hopes for happiness, at least when compared with the results we might associate with untiying a scientific knot or falling in love, amassing a fortune or initiating revolution. To care deeply about a field that achieves so little, and yet consumes so many of our resources, forces us to admit to a disturbing, even degrading lack of aspiration.
In its ineffectiveness, architecture shares in the bathos of gardening: an interest in door handles or ceiling mouldings can seem no less worthy of mockery than a progress of rose or lavender bushes. It is forgivable to conclude that there must be grander causes to which human beings might devote themselves.
However, after coming up against some of the sterner setbacks which bedevil emotional and political life, we may well arrive at a more charitable assessment of the significance of beauty--of islands of perfection, in which we can find an echo of an ideal which we once hoped to lay a permanent claim to. Life may have to show itself to us in some of its authentically tragic colours before we can begin to grow properly visually responsive to its subtler offerings, whether in the form of a tapestry or a Corinthian column, a slate tile or a lamp. It tends not to be young couples in love who stop to admire a weathered brick wall or the descent of a banister towards a hallway, a disregard for such circumscribed beauty being a corollary of an optimistic belief in the possibility of attaining a more visceral, definitive variety of happiness.
We may need to have made an indelible mark on our lives, to have married the wrong person, pursued an unfulfilling career into middle age or lost a loved one before architecture can begin to have any perceptible impact on us, for when we speak of being "moved" by a building, we allude to a bitter-sweet feeling of contrast between the noble qualities written into a structure and the sadder wider reality within which we know them to exist. A lump rises in our throat at the sight of beauty from an implicit knowledge that the happiness it hints at is the exception...
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If you can believe this to be true, then you are likely on your way to developing a truly keen sense of architectural appreciation, if not towards becoming a truly formidable architect.
Peace.
From the Architecture of Happiness, Alain de Botton
i love that last post. probably one of the most up-lifitng ones i've read so far here. but i'm glad if u've finally moved on.
Did I said I moved on? I dont know what moving on is. But I do know my life is getting shorter by the second..
And I do very much appreciate the quote from Alain de Botton, have been thinking about it and certain parts do strike a nerve in me. But can I ask why that was posted as a comment to this particular post?
You know, you're right. I don't know what moving on is either. Is it forgetting the past? Or is it embracing the past and accepting it? I guess I don't have an answer either, because like you, I'm confused too.
For the past few weeks, I sought to distract myself with school and I became happy again, and I totally forgot about my past...for a while. And then school ended and now I have nothing to distract myself with and everything started coming back again. So i don't know. I thought depression only happens when you focus your attention on unhappy things, but i think there's something more to it.
no reason for posting that post here except i thought you might find it generally interesting. You might like the book. xx
i see i see
thanks for the recommendation..:)
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