?

I have people asking me about what I wrote about myself in friendster.

I have people telling me im self-destructive. Very observant and partially true. I respect his honesty. I am very hard on myself when I want to. But he was just rubbing salt into my wound. He didnt know. Its alright. It woke me up. But he wasnt helping. Anyway i just proved him wrong because I fought my way through...

God dammit I want to fight my depression....it is killing me..i hate being enslaved by it...I really do. I know i am sentimental, but not this much. What the fuck is wrong with me? Will someone help me? I dont know, I just know i need to fight it myself...

Living the agony of growth.
Bearing the aloneness of being.
Smothered by the beauty of every earthly existence.
Shunning from worldly consumed consumerism.
Refuged by million hertz plugged-in to my muvo.
Soundtracking my wishful hearing to match daily visuals.

I have a smile of genuine pretence for self-preservation
(i dont trust people, why should i show u how i feel?)

To love what i hate
(my job, it requires mad passion to sustain ; i cannot befriend myself, but i am trying to change that)

To forgive more than forget
(to people who had hurt me, intentional or not)

To accept before assumption
(i think people in this world assume too much and they jump to conclusions)

To understand with acceptance
(when u truly understand something, u will accept it effortlessly, good or bad)

To separate pain from bad
(think of it as a metaphor. pain is a self-defense mechanism that u and i have. its vital to our survival)

To discern happiness beyond goodness
(happiness may be deceiving; not all good makes you happy. rationale vs. emotions can be a struggle. such is life)

Thats the value for my existence
(self explanatory)

Welcome to my living funeral
(Memento Mori. Looking at life from a different perspective, u may treasure people around you more)

Take pleasure in my thoughts
(Your call. If u dont like my writings, fuck off. No obligations)

Cogito ergo sum
(I think therefore I exists. Simple but true. Specifically, I adore dreamers + thinkers. If you are one, then you can walk the talk with me, and I will walk Johnnie to your door :P)


To my friend who said he felt sad for me after reading my text. Don't be. Recall what we had talked about, life is not about the shit that you had gone through, that cannot be undone. What matters is what you do AFTER the shit to make yourself strong. I believe you can, 'cause I am fighting as hard as you...