?

How do you deal with a fear that you are afraid of both forgetting at the same time fear of not getting over it?

Fear of forgetting because you fear feeling the same mental abuse that you swear you would kill not to feel it again
Fear of not getting over it because you wont have the energy to move on even you have let go
Fear of trusting
Fear of giving
Fear of having expectations
Fear of emotions
If only my rationality can be stronger

Clear yet overpowered

Says the Greek slave --
Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens. - Epictetus

Have been meditating on that..
I cant take uncontrolled matters as it is if i fail to understand it.
Even if I do I cant suppressed my possessiveness
A possessiveness that nurtures both a relentless loyalty and backlashed mental abuse

Not possessiveness as obession
But a basic natural faith that is unspoken yet felt
Thru' the depth of gaze
Thru' thoughtful gestures

But noone seems to act upon it
I never trust words no more
despite the power of it
at this very instant
I realize the power of words only paints a mental landscape
something you cant judge

And as i speak
my fear escalates
i hope i wont have to run again

And as i fear
i am fighting it
until it comes to terms with me

why cant people just behave normally
be less greedy
be contented
be alittle more appreciative

and once again
fuck those who has spoken without actions
and screw ppl's life up because of a moment of folly or not knowing what you want
i would neither give a fuck about your life nor bother to pass judgement if you leave me uninvolved

Just let my emotions rest
I dont want to run again